Are You Ready To Escape?

Not sure if you’ve ever heard about those new interactive mind games popping up all over the world, but let me tell you, they’re extremely intense. The players are locked up in a confined space with a time frame of 60 minutes to figure out the puzzle and break free before the room explodes. (Okay, the room doesn’t ACTUALLY explode, but you know, a little spicing-up is always fun)

I’m not gonna lie to you guys. When I heard about those ‘Escape Room’ games, I was beyond intrigued to go try them out, and I must say, that one hour you spend in there ends up being one of the fastest and longest hours of your life. (Weird I know, but I don’t know how else to explain it…) 

The Mind Game

To cut a long story short, let me show you a snapshot of what usually happens inside this prison-like room. This way please…

One of us was all over the place, chatting away. She’d yell and scream every time we cracked a code, I think the instructor on the side of the wall went deaf. She’s the fun type, but boy was she a huge distraction too! One of us was silent. Focused. Organized. Judgmental. She had zero tolerance for mistakes. We were too scared to make any suggestions or ask questions. Like hello, it’s a game for crying out loud! One of us was panicking. She kept her eyes on the timer, frozen in place, too stressed to actually figure out what the mission was. One of us was suffocated because the clues made no sense and one of us didn’t care to think too much. She just followed the other players’ lead.

I closed my eyes to drown out the noises and I couldn’t help but wonder…

The distractions, judgments, fear, worry, stress and disappointments….Is this room a reflection of our lives? ? A prison we’re trapped in, struggling to stay on the right path. The players had a specific goal; to break out before the timer beeps. Just like in this world, we strive to succeed before we die. But we go about it differently because people are different. Some follow their hearts, and others follow the rules. Some are too distracted, or too strict, or too judgmental, or just wasting time panicking about losing time. With the confined space of obligations, competition, doubts and desires, sometimes our struggles make us forget the real mission is to earn a better place We forget to remember that Allah sends us hints to help us, and guidance on how to work as a team….

Inside the room of life we’re stressed and drained, and all we want to do is to escape!

“Three minutes left! We can do this!” One of us said, so calm and contained.

And you know what? We did.

After almost sixty minutes of excruciating pressure where we were literally ready to kill each other, the door opened to a whole new feeling. There was this moment of freedom and victory. Somehow we forgot about the previous struggles and arguments and we all smiled and hugged each other. For a precious moment we didn’t care about our differences because we all shared the same feeling…. Relief.

The Need To Breathe

We thrash and struggle to escape our pain for eleven whole months every single year…

Daily challenges leave us mentally drained…

Trying to make ends meet and all our other responsibilities leave us physically drained.

The social life, the social media, the masks people wear and the feelings we shove inside all leave us emotionally drained…

And most of all, the doubts, desires and distractions that fill our hearts and minds… they shift our focus from our real mission as slaves of Allah… and whether we like to admit it or not, this whole process scars our souls..

Then a blessed month arrives…  And the door opens to a whole new experience of freedom… and we don’t care about our differences anymore because we are all suddenly on the same page…. Everything is peaceful and beautiful and serene…

Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said,

“When the month of Ramadan comes, the gates of Paradise are opened and the gates of the (Hell) Fire are closed, and the devils are chained.”¹

One For All And All For One

Did you know that since ‘The Night Of Qadr’ is better than 1000 months, it’s worth more than 83 years, which is basically a human’s average life span!

Okay Pop Quiz everyone!

Imagine if a legendary sinner somehow winds up breaking down in tears of repentance on that same night, and Allah, the Most Forgiving, accepts him. How far does he rise in the blink of an eye?

That girl who refuses to wear hijab and that man with the repulsive attitude, we all get the same chance to be transformed. This friend who never prays, and this one who prays day and night, we have absolutely no idea how their ending would be, because what they’re like inside the prison of life can be far from what blooms in their hearts in the month of Ramadan; the precious time of relief.

No matter how different we are under pressure, in times of peace, we all get the same chance to change.

The real ‘you’ comes to life in these thirty days. Your heart is opened and your soul finally gets a chance to heal. You’ll find yourself overwhelmingly, ridiculously happy just sipping water after a long hot day of fasting. You’ll give generously to anyone who asks, look forward to ‘Iftar’ with your family and loved ones and you’ll stand for hours at night to pray, willingly giving up your sleep. You’ll quench your thirst when you feed a poor person, and your heart will race you to the mosque for ‘Taraweeh’. You’ll find a whole storage of patience, love and faith inside of you, and it will be hard for you to explain where it came from. The things that used to distract you will find no place in your life for a whole month, because your soul is too busy enjoying this peaceful freedom. Tears will flow down your face and cleanse your heart… and the Holy Qur’an becomes your new best friend. How does all of this happen suddenly? Do you become a different person in Ramadan…?

No, you don’t.

The truth is, who you are in this month is the real ‘you’ submitting to Allah…

All this gratitude, kindness, forgiveness, patience and appreciation were there all along, locked up inside the struggles of life…

You get a chance once every year, to retrieve this treasure and remember why you’re here. This month is a reminder of all the goodness you possess that might have been covered up by outside sources. This is the time when you can put all your mistakes, worries and pain behind and start anew. Ramadan is the sparkle of hope and the energy boost that motivates us to be better.  It’s a breath of fresh air you’re in desperate need of and that’s why you feel so peaceful….

Because you’re finally free…

To be ‘you’…

References: 

1.  http://sunnah.com/bukhari/59/86 

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The Patient Muslim: Nurturing Sabr during Ramadan

In today’s fast paced world we are becoming ever more impatient. Today we have high speed fibre optic broadband, apps that can almost do anything for us, and we can send a message across the globe in a second to name but a few. Alhamdulilah, these things can be real time savers for us, making things a lot easier and more convenient for us, but it is contributing to nation of people that no longer have the patience to wait for anything.For example, how many times have you become frustrated when your internet runs at dial-up speed? We get so frustrated if we don’t receive immediate results creating a huge intolerance for anything that requires time and patience, even when it comes to nurturing our family relationships! People have a hard time these days investing this time anymore because they just don’t have the patience anymore, resorting in the use of impatient, maladaptive coping skills when in times of crisis.

Values/Virtues of Patience in Islam

It’s time for us to take a step back and really embrace the values of Islam; values and practises that really nurture the development of patience and realise that there is no room for impatience in our lives if we are to live according to Islamic principles and apply these important skills more widely into our way of life. Patience is an aspect of sabr and is mentioned in over 50 times in the Quran, really highlighting the importance of it in Islam.

‘O you who have believed, seek help through patience and prayer. Indeed, Allah is with the patient’ ¹

‘And the angels will enter upon them from every gate, [saying], “Peace be upon you for what you patiently endured.”’ ²

‘And [He] will reward them for what they patiently endured [with] a garden [in Paradise] and silk [garments].’ ³ 

Alhamdulilah, the practises of Islam have patience ingrained in them and with the season of Ramadan upon us we can really focus upon using this time to cultivate patience. Ramadan is sometimes termed ‘the month of patience’ so is a time that we can really focus on using it to maximum effect to increase our relationship with Allah, and seek the rewards not only from Allah but from improved relationships with others also. Furthermore, it said that “fasting constitutes half the patience.” ⁴. This is possibly because it requires the 3 types of patience that constitute sabr:

• patience in the obedience of Allah (by fulfilling our obligation to fast)
• patience in not disobeying Allah (by refraining from eating, drinking..etc..)
• patience with Allah’s decree in the afflictions that come with fasting (such as hunger and weakness)

Training ourselves in this way over the month of Ramadan to avoid certain troubles that come out of acts of impatience (such as backbiting and lying) more widely creates a patient attitude towards life that is more conducive to the lifestyle of a Muslim as ordained to us by Allah, combining both a passive patience in enduring the difficulties encountered as result of fasting and active patience in terms of being actively involved in the worship of Allah.

Psychological Benefits of Patience

Beyond the solely Islamic aspect of fasting, there is a huge amount of psychological literature that highlights the psychological benefits of patience. Allah has really blessed us by making it an obligation upon us, not only by rewarding us for doing so, but by obliging us to complete an act that nurtures characteristics like patience that we can apply more widely in our daily lives. This will also subsequently build positive characteristics that are highly compatible with living our lives committed to our Deen.

Psychological research has shown positive links between patience and self-control,and character strengths, negative affect and depression, ⁵, better grades, less psychopathology, higher self-esteem, and less shame in students ⁶.  Furthermore, long term psychological research has shown that aspects of patience such as self-discipline exhibited in childhood predict positive outcomes in both physical and psychological wellbeing in adulthood (Terrie Moffitt) as well as improved life outcomes, from higher test scores, better social skills, and less substance misuse (Walter Mischel). Conversely, evidence has also shown that impatience can lead to negative consequences both emotionally in terms of guilt and embarrassment, as well as physically in terms of chronic stress, high blood pressure and heart disease, not to mention the negative effects and impact on the people around the impatient one, which further highlights the need to improve patience. 

Application beyond Ramadan

So as we can see, having patience can have long term psychological benefits. Patience puts us in the state of mind to remain calm in adversity and approach life with a more rational and adaptive perspective to react to a given situation in the most appropriate way.

It is also argued that nurturing patience from a young age can have wider societal benefits too, including lowered costs for crime control due to reduction in aggressive behaviour, lowered costs in health care due to the self-discipline to resist unhealthy foods that are so readily available in today’s age, as well as being more active in staying physically healthy in today’s technological age where we spend a lot of our times sitting down in sedentary activity. Furthermore, in an age where people are so quick to file for divorce, being patient in marriage and having the patience and willpower to sustain relationships can improve marital relations (Terrie Moffitt).

“You will surely be tested in your wealth and in your lives and you will surely hear from the People of the Book and the Polytheists that which gives you great pain. But if you patiently persevere and keep your duty to Allah (with Taqwa), then that will be the most decisive of affairs.” ⁷

Alhamdulillah, Allah has given us the solution to this and the chance, through obligation, to help us to develop this useful and noble characteristic that can help us to approach the inevitable trials in life enhanced with a month long training in patience during Ramadan.

Applying sabr in our lives beyond Ramadan gives us the skills to conquer frustration, giving a sense of emotional freedom and choice in how we manage stressful situations. Having that control in our lives will contribute further to psychological wellbeing too. There are many things we don’t have a choice over, but we do have the choice to be patient in managing adverse situations in our life with a rational and thoughtful approach according to the teaching of Islam, which will ultimately result in an improved lives on many levels.

We know patience holds a very high place in Allah’s eyes so we should be actively working on it, not just giving up, and Ramadan gives us this chance to prove ourselves worthy of the rewards of patience. Allah made it obligatory because he loves us and wants us to have this reward. Alhamdulillah.

Tips for Nurturing Patience during Ramadan

• Keep busy. Occupied time feels shorter, which is especially useful for those of us in regions where Ramadan currently falls during the longest days of the year.
• Exercise gratitude. In the moments where you do become distracted by thoughts of the things you are restraining from, remember those that have to live like this everyday with little food and water to sustain them.
• Don’t keep looking at the clock more than necessary. This will only lead to increased frustration.
• Study the blessings of patience. Patience is mentioned so many times in the Quran, there is so much to learn. Remind yourself of the many blessings of remaining patient.
• Ask Allah to give you patience. “Whoever turns to Allah to get ṣabr, Allah will give him that ṣabr.” 
• Positive self-talk. Remember, you’ve done it before, so you can do it again, insha Allah.
• Remember you’re a role model to those around you. Show your endurance and patience in a positive way that the children will desire to emulate.
• Know your triggers. Avoid situations that will likely trigger outbursts of impatience. Frustration and impatience will only make the day feel longer. Ramadan will help us to increase our tolerance in frustrating situations.
• Have compassion for yourself and your situation. If you find yourself feeling frustrated, take a few deep breaths (do a short relaxation or mindfulness exercise), accept the situation, and turn to a useful activity like listening to/reading the Quran or engaging in dhikr.
• Planning. For example, plan what you’re cooking in advance. This way you’ll know how long you need and what ingredients you need and won’t get frustrated that you won’t be finished on time or that you don’t have everything that you need to hand. Have a realistic plan of what you want to achieve in Ramadan (e.g. how many surahs you want to read, how many ayats per day, etc…). Plan how you will manage any difficult moments of impatience (e.g. you will take space and engage in something productive, take a 10 minute walk, return and read Qur’an for 10 minutes).

So I urge you to actively engage in this month of training in patience, enduring the various aspects of patience such as self restraint, self discipline, gratitude and perseverance. Embrace the blessing that Allah has obliged us to engage in and reap the benefits and rewards of cultivating the skills that we can apply even beyond Ramadan. Skills that will nurture a more adaptive approach to life in line with the way Allah has ordained us to.

References: 

1.  Quran 2:153 
2.  Quran 13:23-24 
3.  Quran 76:12 
4.  Reported by Al-Tirmizi 
5.  Schnitker and Emmons (2007) 
6.  Tangney, Baumeister, and Boone, 2004 
7.  Quran, 3:186 

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Restyle yourself this Ramadan – A Righteousness Makeover Program for Believing Men and Women!

My believing Brothers and Sisters in Islam, listen up, an important announcement is about to be made.

يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا كُتِبَ عَلَيْكُمُ الصِّيَامُ كَمَا كُتِبَ عَلَى الَّذِينَ مِن قَبْلِكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَتَّقُونَ

“O you who have believed, decreed upon you is fasting as it was decreed upon those before you that you may become righteous.” ¹

 Such an important announcement! An opportunity is being given to us by Allah  to become righteous and adopt taqwa. It is the one of the keys to gaining the pleasure of Allah . For the past year , we have been trying to be righteous. As weakness is part of humanness, there have been many instances in which we were exhausted from working hard to be righteous all the time. So either we slackened in our efforts or went on a long break all together.This i am sure , you will agree with me , is not good at all.

It is immensely important that we aim to be righteous as not only will it increase our chances of being called into Jannah through a special gate called Ar Rayyan, but also benefit us in this world. Those people who are righteous are great achievers in all walks of life. The month of Ramadan is specially designed to help us make up for the progress that we lost during the previous year and at the same time prepares and energizes us for the coming year. 

Let us see how.

• These fasts not only detox our body from the toxins that have accumulated in our system from unhealthy eating but at the same time detoxes our life from those unwanted habits that we stuck to or developed during the past year . At the same time, they help us develop our self restraint so that we can keep away from the slew of temptations that surrounds us, even after Ramadan.
• The reward for any good deed is immense, even as small as a smile or a dollar in charity. When we consciously do good deeds, we get bonus good points and that should in sha Allah make up for at least some of the good that we lost during the past year.
• This is a month of forgiveness; when we seek genuine forgiveness, Allah  will forgive us and by the end of the month, our score card, will look much better than it looked when we first started.
• The duas that we make, especially in the last ten nights, will help us navigate our life after Ramadan is over as well.(Hence, be careful and mindful of what you ask Allah .)

This Ramadan, you are presented with an opportunity once again to rise high and to understand yourselves.

I ask Allah  to help us overcome our shortcomings, to be like those people who we admire, and to give ourselves and our hearts a makeover that stays after Ramadan is over! Ameen!

So let’s see how we can give ourselves a much needed makeover this month!

There are two essential steps to restyle ourselves as righteous :

1. Know yourself
2. Unique Restyle Techniques based on knowledge of oneself  

1. Know your self.

To truly succeed, a person needs a moderate to high emotional, mental and physical stability. Look deep into yourself, into your heart and try to figure out what is that makes you cry, laugh, happy, sad, angry, who adds toxicity in your life, who is always there for you in your hour of need and guides you towards righteousness. Do your own SWOT analysis.

1. `What are your strengths that make you go higher in righteousness? Maybe it’s a regular attendance of a halaqa, or listening to a sheikh?
2. What are your weaknesses that make you slacken your speed to being righteous – watching few/many hours of TV everyday or a conversation to a certain person which always ends up in gossip?
3. What obstacles threaten you in your endeavour to be righteous? Maybe its your inability to understand what the Quran says?
4. What opportunities can you avail to help you stay righteous and enhance it? Maybe an online course from the comfort of your home or a weekly meeting with other righteous folks in the masjid?
5.  What will you miss the most during those hours of tiredness, hunger and thirst?
6. What kinds of food will you crave for?
7. Which gadget or TV program will you miss terribly?
8. What kind of talk will you miss?
9. Will it be hard to forgive and overlook the mistakes or harsh words of people, or will it be easier than you thought?
10. Do you find it hard to hold on to that remark or reply that can be hurtful to others?
11. When are you the most happy in a day?
12. Do you find it easier to control your hunger than your temper?
13. Do you like rising early than sleeping till late?

This is a month of knowing yourself deeply. As you fast, you will be full of energy and motivation, but as the days progress, the motivation will slacken.

Look deep into yourself. When you do that, you will see yourself clearly.

IMPORTANT: Don’t Judge yourself based on what you see and become disheartened. None of us are perfect as we all struggle with our own vices. It takes immense strength to look within and see oneself clearly; the good, the bad and the ugly. Ma sha Allah you are a strong person by just attempting to do that.

Now, it’s time to restyle ourselves in sha Allah! 

II. Restyling Tips

The SWOT analysis will help you know your self better.Once you know your strengths, you can use them to leverage your weaknesses. You can keep your eyes focussed on opportunities that make you work harder at being righteous and avail them at the first instant. You can ask Allah  to protect you and your heart from what threatens you and to give you the confidence to strongly face them.

List of tremendous opportunities this month that you can use to strengthen your strengths  and weaken your weaknesses further: Best times for Makeover:

1. Bare your Soul to Allah at Suhoor: Use the time of suhoor (by waking up a little earlier) to pray tahajjud and quietly talk to Allah . Talk to HIM, like you talk to your best friend. Complain, discuss, ask and listen. Allah  always answers .

2. Befriend  Al-Quran: The best make-over artist in this world is the Quran. It cleanses the heart, entertains and teaches with its stories of war, conflict, love, patience, intrigue and mercy. It shows us what qualities we should aim for in our makeover and comforts us when we feel lonely and tired after a long day of trying hard.  As a bonus, it becomes our only friend that will stay with us to hold our hands when we are alone and terrified in our graves. This Ramadan, befriend the Quran, by reading it and contemplating on what you are reading.

3. Strengthen Your Hands: by giving in charity daily. Be it a smile, a dollar, cooking little extra food and sending to someone needy. A small but consistent act each day.

4. Meet and Greet our Awesome Predecessors: This month, get a book or bookmark a website and learn about the lives of either one or all the Prophets, companions of the Messenger of Allah , or our great scholars. They were human beings like us and struggled with the same emotions that we do while facing trials that were far greater than ours. And they succeeded. Learn how they dealt with situations and pick up points that you can apply in sha Allah.

5. Go to Allah : Each day, at least five times,  get dressed and go to meet Allah . The ONLY being, who no matter how many times you knock on His door, is always happy to see you, to listen to you. He never tires of hearing you tell the same story for the 100th time. He is the only being who can truly guide and help you, who has the solution to all your problems, who has  all that you seek to give you. Meet Him in your salah, in your nawafil, in your taraweeh. When you step on the prayer mat and say Allah Akbar, know that the Most Majestic, the Most Merciful, the Most Loving being in this whole world is listening to you and looking at you with love .

If we apply these tips and more, then in sha Allah by the end of this 30 day period, our make over will be evident to us and to those around us. May Allah  accept our efforts and count us among those who attain righteousness this month, Ameen!

P.S.: To fully benefit from this article, please check out the links to other resources that have been shared in this write up.

References: 

1.   Surah Baqarah :183 

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