Are You Ready To Escape?

Not sure if you’ve ever heard about those new interactive mind games popping up all over the world, but let me tell you, they’re extremely intense. The players are locked up in a confined space with a time frame of 60 minutes to figure out the puzzle and break free before the room explodes. (Okay, the room doesn’t ACTUALLY explode, but you know, a little spicing-up is always fun)

I’m not gonna lie to you guys. When I heard about those ‘Escape Room’ games, I was beyond intrigued to go try them out, and I must say, that one hour you spend in there ends up being one of the fastest and longest hours of your life. (Weird I know, but I don’t know how else to explain it…) 

The Mind Game

To cut a long story short, let me show you a snapshot of what usually happens inside this prison-like room. This way please…

One of us was all over the place, chatting away. She’d yell and scream every time we cracked a code, I think the instructor on the side of the wall went deaf. She’s the fun type, but boy was she a huge distraction too! One of us was silent. Focused. Organized. Judgmental. She had zero tolerance for mistakes. We were too scared to make any suggestions or ask questions. Like hello, it’s a game for crying out loud! One of us was panicking. She kept her eyes on the timer, frozen in place, too stressed to actually figure out what the mission was. One of us was suffocated because the clues made no sense and one of us didn’t care to think too much. She just followed the other players’ lead.

I closed my eyes to drown out the noises and I couldn’t help but wonder…

The distractions, judgments, fear, worry, stress and disappointments….Is this room a reflection of our lives? ? A prison we’re trapped in, struggling to stay on the right path. The players had a specific goal; to break out before the timer beeps. Just like in this world, we strive to succeed before we die. But we go about it differently because people are different. Some follow their hearts, and others follow the rules. Some are too distracted, or too strict, or too judgmental, or just wasting time panicking about losing time. With the confined space of obligations, competition, doubts and desires, sometimes our struggles make us forget the real mission is to earn a better place We forget to remember that Allah sends us hints to help us, and guidance on how to work as a team….

Inside the room of life we’re stressed and drained, and all we want to do is to escape!

“Three minutes left! We can do this!” One of us said, so calm and contained.

And you know what? We did.

After almost sixty minutes of excruciating pressure where we were literally ready to kill each other, the door opened to a whole new feeling. There was this moment of freedom and victory. Somehow we forgot about the previous struggles and arguments and we all smiled and hugged each other. For a precious moment we didn’t care about our differences because we all shared the same feeling…. Relief.

The Need To Breathe

We thrash and struggle to escape our pain for eleven whole months every single year…

Daily challenges leave us mentally drained…

Trying to make ends meet and all our other responsibilities leave us physically drained.

The social life, the social media, the masks people wear and the feelings we shove inside all leave us emotionally drained…

And most of all, the doubts, desires and distractions that fill our hearts and minds… they shift our focus from our real mission as slaves of Allah… and whether we like to admit it or not, this whole process scars our souls..

Then a blessed month arrives…  And the door opens to a whole new experience of freedom… and we don’t care about our differences anymore because we are all suddenly on the same page…. Everything is peaceful and beautiful and serene…

Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said,

“When the month of Ramadan comes, the gates of Paradise are opened and the gates of the (Hell) Fire are closed, and the devils are chained.”¹

One For All And All For One

Did you know that since ‘The Night Of Qadr’ is better than 1000 months, it’s worth more than 83 years, which is basically a human’s average life span!

Okay Pop Quiz everyone!

Imagine if a legendary sinner somehow winds up breaking down in tears of repentance on that same night, and Allah, the Most Forgiving, accepts him. How far does he rise in the blink of an eye?

That girl who refuses to wear hijab and that man with the repulsive attitude, we all get the same chance to be transformed. This friend who never prays, and this one who prays day and night, we have absolutely no idea how their ending would be, because what they’re like inside the prison of life can be far from what blooms in their hearts in the month of Ramadan; the precious time of relief.

No matter how different we are under pressure, in times of peace, we all get the same chance to change.

The real ‘you’ comes to life in these thirty days. Your heart is opened and your soul finally gets a chance to heal. You’ll find yourself overwhelmingly, ridiculously happy just sipping water after a long hot day of fasting. You’ll give generously to anyone who asks, look forward to ‘Iftar’ with your family and loved ones and you’ll stand for hours at night to pray, willingly giving up your sleep. You’ll quench your thirst when you feed a poor person, and your heart will race you to the mosque for ‘Taraweeh’. You’ll find a whole storage of patience, love and faith inside of you, and it will be hard for you to explain where it came from. The things that used to distract you will find no place in your life for a whole month, because your soul is too busy enjoying this peaceful freedom. Tears will flow down your face and cleanse your heart… and the Holy Qur’an becomes your new best friend. How does all of this happen suddenly? Do you become a different person in Ramadan…?

No, you don’t.

The truth is, who you are in this month is the real ‘you’ submitting to Allah…

All this gratitude, kindness, forgiveness, patience and appreciation were there all along, locked up inside the struggles of life…

You get a chance once every year, to retrieve this treasure and remember why you’re here. This month is a reminder of all the goodness you possess that might have been covered up by outside sources. This is the time when you can put all your mistakes, worries and pain behind and start anew. Ramadan is the sparkle of hope and the energy boost that motivates us to be better.  It’s a breath of fresh air you’re in desperate need of and that’s why you feel so peaceful….

Because you’re finally free…

To be ‘you’…

References: 

1.  http://sunnah.com/bukhari/59/86 

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The Patient Muslim: Nurturing Sabr during Ramadan

In today’s fast paced world we are becoming ever more impatient. Today we have high speed fibre optic broadband, apps that can almost do anything for us, and we can send a message across the globe in a second to name but a few. Alhamdulilah, these things can be real time savers for us, making things a lot easier and more convenient for us, but it is contributing to nation of people that no longer have the patience to wait for anything.For example, how many times have you become frustrated when your internet runs at dial-up speed? We get so frustrated if we don’t receive immediate results creating a huge intolerance for anything that requires time and patience, even when it comes to nurturing our family relationships! People have a hard time these days investing this time anymore because they just don’t have the patience anymore, resorting in the use of impatient, maladaptive coping skills when in times of crisis.

Values/Virtues of Patience in Islam

It’s time for us to take a step back and really embrace the values of Islam; values and practises that really nurture the development of patience and realise that there is no room for impatience in our lives if we are to live according to Islamic principles and apply these important skills more widely into our way of life. Patience is an aspect of sabr and is mentioned in over 50 times in the Quran, really highlighting the importance of it in Islam.

‘O you who have believed, seek help through patience and prayer. Indeed, Allah is with the patient’ ¹

‘And the angels will enter upon them from every gate, [saying], “Peace be upon you for what you patiently endured.”’ ²

‘And [He] will reward them for what they patiently endured [with] a garden [in Paradise] and silk [garments].’ ³ 

Alhamdulilah, the practises of Islam have patience ingrained in them and with the season of Ramadan upon us we can really focus upon using this time to cultivate patience. Ramadan is sometimes termed ‘the month of patience’ so is a time that we can really focus on using it to maximum effect to increase our relationship with Allah, and seek the rewards not only from Allah but from improved relationships with others also. Furthermore, it said that “fasting constitutes half the patience.” ⁴. This is possibly because it requires the 3 types of patience that constitute sabr:

• patience in the obedience of Allah (by fulfilling our obligation to fast)
• patience in not disobeying Allah (by refraining from eating, drinking..etc..)
• patience with Allah’s decree in the afflictions that come with fasting (such as hunger and weakness)

Training ourselves in this way over the month of Ramadan to avoid certain troubles that come out of acts of impatience (such as backbiting and lying) more widely creates a patient attitude towards life that is more conducive to the lifestyle of a Muslim as ordained to us by Allah, combining both a passive patience in enduring the difficulties encountered as result of fasting and active patience in terms of being actively involved in the worship of Allah.

Psychological Benefits of Patience

Beyond the solely Islamic aspect of fasting, there is a huge amount of psychological literature that highlights the psychological benefits of patience. Allah has really blessed us by making it an obligation upon us, not only by rewarding us for doing so, but by obliging us to complete an act that nurtures characteristics like patience that we can apply more widely in our daily lives. This will also subsequently build positive characteristics that are highly compatible with living our lives committed to our Deen.

Psychological research has shown positive links between patience and self-control,and character strengths, negative affect and depression, ⁵, better grades, less psychopathology, higher self-esteem, and less shame in students ⁶.  Furthermore, long term psychological research has shown that aspects of patience such as self-discipline exhibited in childhood predict positive outcomes in both physical and psychological wellbeing in adulthood (Terrie Moffitt) as well as improved life outcomes, from higher test scores, better social skills, and less substance misuse (Walter Mischel). Conversely, evidence has also shown that impatience can lead to negative consequences both emotionally in terms of guilt and embarrassment, as well as physically in terms of chronic stress, high blood pressure and heart disease, not to mention the negative effects and impact on the people around the impatient one, which further highlights the need to improve patience. 

Application beyond Ramadan

So as we can see, having patience can have long term psychological benefits. Patience puts us in the state of mind to remain calm in adversity and approach life with a more rational and adaptive perspective to react to a given situation in the most appropriate way.

It is also argued that nurturing patience from a young age can have wider societal benefits too, including lowered costs for crime control due to reduction in aggressive behaviour, lowered costs in health care due to the self-discipline to resist unhealthy foods that are so readily available in today’s age, as well as being more active in staying physically healthy in today’s technological age where we spend a lot of our times sitting down in sedentary activity. Furthermore, in an age where people are so quick to file for divorce, being patient in marriage and having the patience and willpower to sustain relationships can improve marital relations (Terrie Moffitt).

“You will surely be tested in your wealth and in your lives and you will surely hear from the People of the Book and the Polytheists that which gives you great pain. But if you patiently persevere and keep your duty to Allah (with Taqwa), then that will be the most decisive of affairs.” ⁷

Alhamdulillah, Allah has given us the solution to this and the chance, through obligation, to help us to develop this useful and noble characteristic that can help us to approach the inevitable trials in life enhanced with a month long training in patience during Ramadan.

Applying sabr in our lives beyond Ramadan gives us the skills to conquer frustration, giving a sense of emotional freedom and choice in how we manage stressful situations. Having that control in our lives will contribute further to psychological wellbeing too. There are many things we don’t have a choice over, but we do have the choice to be patient in managing adverse situations in our life with a rational and thoughtful approach according to the teaching of Islam, which will ultimately result in an improved lives on many levels.

We know patience holds a very high place in Allah’s eyes so we should be actively working on it, not just giving up, and Ramadan gives us this chance to prove ourselves worthy of the rewards of patience. Allah made it obligatory because he loves us and wants us to have this reward. Alhamdulillah.

Tips for Nurturing Patience during Ramadan

• Keep busy. Occupied time feels shorter, which is especially useful for those of us in regions where Ramadan currently falls during the longest days of the year.
• Exercise gratitude. In the moments where you do become distracted by thoughts of the things you are restraining from, remember those that have to live like this everyday with little food and water to sustain them.
• Don’t keep looking at the clock more than necessary. This will only lead to increased frustration.
• Study the blessings of patience. Patience is mentioned so many times in the Quran, there is so much to learn. Remind yourself of the many blessings of remaining patient.
• Ask Allah to give you patience. “Whoever turns to Allah to get ṣabr, Allah will give him that ṣabr.” 
• Positive self-talk. Remember, you’ve done it before, so you can do it again, insha Allah.
• Remember you’re a role model to those around you. Show your endurance and patience in a positive way that the children will desire to emulate.
• Know your triggers. Avoid situations that will likely trigger outbursts of impatience. Frustration and impatience will only make the day feel longer. Ramadan will help us to increase our tolerance in frustrating situations.
• Have compassion for yourself and your situation. If you find yourself feeling frustrated, take a few deep breaths (do a short relaxation or mindfulness exercise), accept the situation, and turn to a useful activity like listening to/reading the Quran or engaging in dhikr.
• Planning. For example, plan what you’re cooking in advance. This way you’ll know how long you need and what ingredients you need and won’t get frustrated that you won’t be finished on time or that you don’t have everything that you need to hand. Have a realistic plan of what you want to achieve in Ramadan (e.g. how many surahs you want to read, how many ayats per day, etc…). Plan how you will manage any difficult moments of impatience (e.g. you will take space and engage in something productive, take a 10 minute walk, return and read Qur’an for 10 minutes).

So I urge you to actively engage in this month of training in patience, enduring the various aspects of patience such as self restraint, self discipline, gratitude and perseverance. Embrace the blessing that Allah has obliged us to engage in and reap the benefits and rewards of cultivating the skills that we can apply even beyond Ramadan. Skills that will nurture a more adaptive approach to life in line with the way Allah has ordained us to.

References: 

1.  Quran 2:153 
2.  Quran 13:23-24 
3.  Quran 76:12 
4.  Reported by Al-Tirmizi 
5.  Schnitker and Emmons (2007) 
6.  Tangney, Baumeister, and Boone, 2004 
7.  Quran, 3:186 

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THE MEANING OF RAMADAN

Kindness in Ramadhan

KinBy Khalid Baig

Fasting during Ramadan was ordained during the second year of Hijrah. Why not earlier? In Makkah the economic conditions of the Muslims were bad. They were being persecuted. Often days would go by before they had anything to eat. It is easy to skip meals if you don’t have any. Obviously fasting would have been easier under the circumstances. So why not then?

The answer may be that Ramadan is not only about skipping meals. While fasting is an integral and paramount part of it, Ramadan offers a comprehensive program for our spiritual overhaul. The entire program required the peace and security that was offered by Madinah.

Yes, Ramadan is the most important month of the year. It is the month that the believers await with eagerness. At the beginning of Rajab — two full months before Ramadan — the Prophet Muhammad, Sall-Allahu alayhi wa sallam, used to supplicate thus: “O Allah! Bless us during Rajab and Sha’ban, and let us reach Ramadan (in good health).”

During Ramadan the believers get busy seeking Allah’s mercy, forgiveness, and protection from Hellfire. This is the month for renewing our commitment and re-establishing our relationship with our Creator. It is the spring season for goodness and virtues when righteousness blossoms throughout the Muslim communities. “If we combine all the blessings of the other eleven months, they would not add up to the blessings of Ramadan,” said the great scholar and reformer Shaikh Ahmed Farooqi (Mujaddad Alif Thani). It offers every Muslim an opportunity to strengthen his Iman, purify his heart and soul, and to remove the evil effects of the sins committed by him.

“Anyone who fasts during this month with purity of belief and with expectation of a good reward (from his Creator), will have his previous sins forgiven,” said Prophet Muhammad, Sall-Allahu alayhi wa sallam. “Anyone who stands in prayers during its nights with purity of belief and expectation of a reward, will have his previous sins forgiven.” As other ahadith tell us, the rewards for good deeds are multiplied manifold during Ramadan.

Along with the possibility of a great reward, there is the risk of a terrible loss. If we let any other month pass by carelessly, we just lost a month. If we do the same during Ramadan, we have lost everything. The person who misses just one day’s fast without a legitimate reason, cannot really make up for it even if he were to fast everyday for the rest of his life. And of the three persons that Prophet, Sall-Allahu alayhi wa sallam cursed, one is the unfortunate Muslim who finds Ramadan in good health but does not use the opportunity to seek Allah’s mercy.

One who does not fast is obviously in this category, but so also is the person who fasts and prays but makes no effort to stay away from sins or attain purity of the heart through the numerous opportunities offered by Ramadan. The Prophet, Sall-Allahu alayhi wa sallam, warned us: “There are those who get nothing from their fast but hunger and thirst. There are those who get nothing from their nightly prayers but loss of sleep.”

Those who understood this, for them Ramadan was indeed a very special month. In addition to fasting, mandatory Salat, and extra Travih Salat, they spent the whole month in acts of worship like voluntary Salat, Tilawa (recitation of Qur’an), Dhikr etc. After mentioning that this has been the tradition of the pious people of this Ummah throughout the centuries, Abul Hasan Ali Nadvi notes: ” I have seen with my own eyes such ulema and mashaikh who used to finish recitation of the entire Qur’an everyday during Ramadan. They spent almost the entire night in prayers. They used to eat so little that one wondered how they could endure all this. These greats valued every moment of Ramadan and would not waste any of it in any other pursuit…Watching them made one believe the astounding stories of Ibada and devotion of our elders recorded by history.”

This emphasis on these acts of worship may sound strange — even misplaced — to some. It requires some explanation. We know that the term Ibada (worship and obedience) in Islam applies not only to the formal acts of worship and devotion like Salat , Tilawa, and Dhikr, but it also applies to worldly acts when performed in obedience to Shariah and with the intention of pleasing Allah. Thus a believer going to work is performing Ibada when he seeks Halal income to discharge his responsibility as a bread-winner for the family. However a distinction must be made between the two. The first category consists of direct Ibada, acts that are required for their own sake. The second category consists of indirect Ibada — worldly acts that become Ibada through proper intention and observation of Shariah. While the second category is important for it extends the idea of Ibada to our entire life, there is also a danger because by their very nature these acts can camouflage other motives. (Is my going to work really Ibada or am I actually in the rat race?). Here the direct Ibada comes to the rescue. Through them we can purify our motives, and re-establish our relationship with Allah.

Islam does not approve of monasticism. It does not ask us to permanently isolate ourselves from this world, since our test is in living here according to the Commands of our Creator. But it does ask us to take periodic breaks from it. The mandatory Salat (five daily prayers) is one example. For a few minutes every so many hours throughout the day, we leave the affairs of this world and appear before Allah to remind ourselves that none but He is worthy of worship and of our unfaltering obedience. Ramadan takes this to the next higher plane, providing intense training for a whole month.

This spirit is captured in I’tikaf, a unique Ibada associated with Ramadan, in which a person gives up all his normal activities and enters a mosque for a specific period. There is great merit in it and every Muslim community is encouraged to provide at least one person who will perform I’tikaf for the last ten days of Ramadan. But even those who cannot spare ten days are encouraged to spend as much time in the mosque as possible.

Through direct Ibada we “charge our batteries”; the indirect ones allow us to use the power so accumulated in driving the vehicle of our life. Ramadan is the month for rebuilding our spiritual strength. How much we benefit from it is up to us.

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THE WONDERFUL STATUS OF I’TIKAAF

Fulfil one’s I’tikaaf in such a Masjid wherein the five daily Salaah is offered. A Masjid in terms of the Shariah. By means of this act Allah Ta’ala has granted us solitude while in a gathering. What more can be said!

Two Haj and two Umrah, by means of a single days I’tikaaf, how far is one removed from Jahannum? A distance of five hundred years. Brothers! What we all desire and need is to be distanced from Jahannum and closeness to paradise.

Another amazing point is the fact that one who is waiting for Salaah is granted the rewards of being in Salaah. It is as if the person forming the intention for I’tikaaf has begun Salaah on the eve of the twentieth of Ramadaan and remains engaged in this Salaah for a full ten days and nights, till the sighting of the crescent for Eid after which he turns for Salaam and completes his Salaah. While fast asleep, he is in Salaah! While wide a wake, he is in Salaah! While eating, he is in Salaah! While drinking, he is in Salaah! At every instant during his stay in the Masjid he is in Salaah. At times this is actually so while at other times he is allegorically so. We beseech Allah Ta’ala to grant us the abundant Taufeeq for these actions to be performed during Ramadaan and that He make them easy for us and assist us therein.

O Allah! We are weak and helpless. We are assailed by different forms of illnesses. O Allah! Provide us with Your assistance from the unseen whereby we can imbibe all these aspects within us. Let us engage in the abundant recitation of the Quraan as in the case of Hazrat Raipuri who gave up all his correspondence as well as meeting people and was either occupied in fasting or recitation of the Quraan. This cycle continued over and over every day of the entire month. We beseech Allah Ta’ala to grant such devotion to us as well, along with I’tikaaf during the last ten days.

O Allah! Grant abundant Taufeeq to us as well as to our children and the other members of our household. O Allah! Grant us the Taufeeq to spend Ramadaan in keeping with the Sunnah as discussed. Grant us the Taufeeq to spend Ramadaan in the shadows of Your accepted servants, Ameen.

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